I am so over feminism. I mean, honestly, who was I kidding with all that "women and men are equals" bullshit?
Thankfully, I've finally come out of my bra-burnin' college phase and into a new realization: that women are, in fact, the weaker sex.
History is the proof: Out of all of the United States presidents, how many have been women? None. Coincidence? I think not.
Girls are simply too fucking crazy and hormonal even to vote, let alone govern. To quote the great Brooke Hogan ruminating on Hillary Clinton's ludicrous presidential campaign, "I think it's kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff.
"Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I couldn't be able to run a country, 'cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?"
Women should stick with what we're good at: cooking, cleaning, and making babies. Honestly, writing this column and pursuing higher education has gotten in the way of my true purpose. And, to tell you the truth, I'm sick of my stupid ideals making me unattractive to men.
This is probably the last time you'll hear from me. I'm dropping out of school, enrolling in a cooking class, and heading to clubs every night in hopes of finding a husband to provide for me.
Are you with me, ladies? Cast off your combat boots for aprons, and trade in your protest signs for spatulas. You don't need a life as long as your husband has one. Long live the patriarchy!
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