 "Photo: IFC Films")
The women who staff the Auraria Library have many talents. They can spend the entire day speaking only in whispers, they're intimately acquainted with the Dewey Decimal system, and they can direct you to the perfect reference work to complete that 17-page paper on Uganda. They're about to add another title to their impressive resumes: nude model.
Yes, the ladies of the Auraria Library are planning to disrobe for a fund-raising calendar. The calendar will be created by the UCD photography department, with the marketing department handling sales and publicity. Photo shoots are scheduled to begin in June, assuming the project gains approval from the Auraria Campus board of directors. "I don't know why this is so controversial," said a source, who agreed to speak with the Advocate only under condition of anonymity. "It will be very tastefully done, and it will help raise funds to purchase more books for the library. It's a win-win situation."
Campus administrators see it differently. While everyone agrees that fund-raising is an admirable goal, they're not sure this is the way to go about it. Although no one is willing to speak on the record, the general consensus is that the project will bring negative attention to the campus. "Pure rubbish," says our library source. "Our inspiration is the film Calendar Girls, and in that you didn't see anything, really. They hid their, um, assets behind plants and baked goods and other things. We're going to do the same, with books. Really, it will all be PG-rated stuff." Indeed, the ladies are already busy picking out their favorite works. "I'm a big fan of Lady Chatterley's Lover, myself," says our source; let's call her Deep Stacks. "But the choices are infinite. I've heard the atlases are quite popular; they're pretty large and they'll give us a lot of cover."
Students seem to be in favor of the project. On a recent afternoon, the Advocate quizzed several about their reactions, and almost all were positive. Aside from one student, Hazel Bitterman, who said the idea was "gross," the majority say they support the initiative. "There are a lot of hotties that work there," said Jason Oglelotta. "Plus, every guy on the planet has that 'sexy librarian' fantasy, you know?"
While the controversy rages on, the women are busy trying to decide on a title. Some of the choices under consideration include "The Ladies of Auraria" and "The Secret Lives of Librarians." Rejected titles include "The Lusty Librarians" and "Librarians Gone Wild." "Really, those titles are all great fun," says our source, "but while we want to attract attention, we don't want to send the wrong message."
Not to be outdone, the men who staff the library are planning a calendar of their own. According to an anonymous source, the men's version will be much more risqué. "We're not hiding behind books, no way," he says. "We're gonna take it all off. Hey, it's for a good cause."
Editor's Note: This article is part of our annual Devil's Advocate April Fool's edition.
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