Robin Williams Diagnosed With Multiple Personality Disorder
This article appears in the Advocate's Satire section
Published: Saturday, October 23, 2010
Updated: Thursday, November 4, 2010 20:11
"I just can't believe it. All this time we just thought he was really annoying," said late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon.
Nobody could have predicted the news that beloved actor Robin Williams (Old Dogs, Flubber) was diagnosed Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka multiple personalities). The disease has been fictionalized in Diablo Cody's United States of Tara, and several psychological thrillers like Secret Window and Identity. The disorder causes the person to take form of several different personalities.
According to Williams' doctor, he's had the disease since he was a child. "I'm actually surprised we didn't catch it sooner. Like everyone else, we just figured he was doing his ‘Patch Adams' character as a joke because he was at a doctor's appointment," said William's primary physician.
Williams has often been weirdly over-energetic when photographed by paparazzi and when making appearances on late night talk shows. "I really just thought he was doing different characters," said David Letterman. "Had I known of his disease… man that's messed up."
Talk show hosts aren't the only ones feeling bamboozled by this news. Adoring fans are shocked by the discovery as well. Middle-aged moms with drinking problems and fourteen year-old boys are having trouble coping with this news. "Have you seen his New York stand up special? It's hilarious dude! That shit is the real deal!" said 14-year-old fan Christopher Roach.
The main question now surrounding the Williams fiasco is, "who knew?'"
"I just thought he was the class clown," said Williams' 3rd grade teacher Ms. Dalton. "Had I known of his disorder I would have never given him that D in conduct. I feel terrible."
After several phone calls to Williams' agent, we were finally able to get a comment: "I first spotted Robin, or I should say genie, in an alleyway near my house. He was trying to grant three wishes to a homeless man when I approached him about being an actor."
Williams' agent knew all along, but yet saw potential in the young, diseased comedian. "It wasn't too difficult finding roles for Robin. He's a gold mine of personalities. I wish all my actors were that talented," he said.
We tried to reach Williams himself for further comment, but his agent told us he was currently attending to family matters. "Sometimes he can be the world's greatest dad," said his agent. "Those are the days that we really enjoy having Robin around."
Williams' agent said that he still plans to have Robin act. Though, after hearing of the news, police are suspicious of Williams' role in One Hour Photo. "I swear he was just acting for that one," said Williams' agent, "I swear."