It’s no Joy of Cooking
      350 B.C.: One of the earliest cookbooks, Hedypatheia (meaning “Life of Luxury”), written by Sicilian Archestratus in lyric poem style. But, by personifying seafood as “the fish goddess” and never offering exact measurements or high altitude directions, recipes prove hard to replicate.

Turkish Starbucks
      A.D.1475: First coffee shop, Kiva Han, opens in Turkey after Ottomans introduce the energizing beverage to Constantinople. Allegedly, Turkish law pronounces it legal for a woman to divorce her husband if he does not succeed in providing her with her daily cup of coffee.

Holy Godiva!
      1579: Ignorant English buccaneers hoping to find treasure overtake a Spanish galleon only to find it full of cocoa beans, which they interpret as “sheep droppings.” Infuriated, the sailors burn the ship. Unfortunately, chocolate at the time was worth the same as silver. Banging of heads against the wall ensues.

Come one, come all
      1904: Hot dogs, cotton candy, and ice cream cones are introduced and popularized at the St. Louis World’s Fair. Diabetes, cellulite, and heart disease are introduced and popularized to the human body soon after.

McOpening
      1940: Before chemical burgers and artificially flavored fries, brothers Dick and Mac open the first McDonald’s restaurant in San Bernardino, California. Only after being bought out by Ray Kroc do creepy “McDonaldland” creatures appear.

Tasteful Television
      1993: Food Network, created by Joe Langhan, premieres, featuring culinary programming such as Iron Chef and Good Eats. Network provides adequate entertainment, but mostly just makes people hungry.

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