March 5
1963
All the hoopla
Wham-O reinvents the wheel, patents the Hula-Hoop. Novelty Company sells 25 million units within 4 months, nearly 15% of the U.S. population. Back stock outlasts fad. However. Would be decades before profits were realized.

March 6
1857
Dred-ed decision
U.S. Supreme Court rules in favor of slavery, pronounces Mr. Dread Scott the property of his master, despite having resided in a “free” state. Infamous decision helped inflamed abolitionists. The Civil War ensued.

March 7
1987
Iron on top
Mike Tyson puts the wood to James “Bonecrusher” Smith, uniting the WBA and WBC titles. At 19, Tyson becomes youngest champ in boxing history. Also the dumbest, spiraling into sports infamy shortly after.

March 8
1669
Etna goes boom
Mount Etna, Sicily, erupts. Over 20,000 perish, mostly for stupidity as they tried in vain to divert lava flow or simply hung out and hoped the destruction would stop. It didn’t. Dying ensued.

11

March 9
1939
36-18-38
Barbie debuts. Modeled after a pornotropic gag gift sold to men, Barbie is instead marketed to kids on Mickey Mouse Club. Inhuman proportions set standards for female measurements impossible to achieve. Bulimia ensued.

March 10
1876
Bell speaks, is heard
Alexander Graham Bell invents and uses telephone. Crude device allowed speech to travel over wire for first time. Parents of teenagers cringe in fear of “overtime minutes” while telemarketers finally find voice.

March 11
1989
Bad boys, bad boys
COPS makes debut on Fox. Documentary-like series followed police officers on patrol, capturing over 2000 arrests in show’s history. Watching drunk, half-naked small-timers get popped becomes sleeper reality hit and a TV legend.