We: The People want to build a Death Star
They: The Dark Side Government Don’t
Published: Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Updated: Thursday, January 24, 2013 01:01
Some people think the new White House petition website We the People is a massive waste of time. Although most of it’s petitions are politically extreme, like states seceding from the union, I think one of the newest petition is the greatest idea as of yet: A proposal to build a Death Star by 2016.
This proposal was viciously turned down by the tyrannical dark side that is the White House—despite its deceptive universal color of good, white. According to Paul Shawcross, Chief of Science and Space branch for the White House’s Office of Management and Budget, he pens in the letter, "We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it".
Adding insult to injury, he added a heartless and mean joke, "Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?" Funny? I think not.
My main argument would be that the Death Star doesn’t have to be built to destroy planets—which was another humorous retort of the petition, added by no less than the smart ass nerds in the White House—I think the awesomeness and badassity of this machine is enough to make us look like the toughest galaxy in the solar system. Need I say more? Yeah, it has a $850 quadrillion estimation in tax money, but didn’t George Bush spend that much money on his ranch in Texas/fund the Iraq War?
Just days after the Death Star rejection letter was sent out, the We the People website changed its requirements to get an official response. The White House now requires 100,000 signatures within 30 days in order for a petition to get an official response. Since September 2011 when the website first went up, White House response requirements have gone from being 5,000 signatures to 25,000 and now 100k.
Unfortunately, as it stands the Death Star petition only received 34,435 signatures, so with these recently established rules set by the dark side White House—that is as fickle as my ex-girlfriend—this petition wouldn’t have passed. Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean 100,000 people or even a million people will come to their senses in the future and make the White House reconsider.