I spend way too much time with my girlfriend. How do I get some space?
Published: Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 23:01
Dear No Alone Time,
Life is about finding happy mediums. You never want to overdose on a good thing. In your case you need to decide whether spending a lot of time with her is helping or hurting your relationship.
My girlfriend and I spend almost every day together. She and I work together so I usually see her at least once a day. At first I was like you and didn't like it. I'm the type of guy that likes his alone time. Some days I just want to sit in my room and not be around other people. I rarely get those days anymore, but I don't really mind.
In your case you need to be forthcoming and gently blunt. Don't dance around the subject. You have to tell her that you need your space.
Heed my warning though: don't be a jerk about it. Don't make it out that it's her fault that you two spend too much time together. Have a gentleman's touch.
Don't confront her in public about the issue. Set some time aside and bring up the topic in a private, civil conversation. Say that you love being with her, but you feel like you need some time to yourself.
She may get angry with you but that's fine. In response you need to make sure she understands that you are in no way breaking up with her. That is key because the subject matter is very delicate.
Spending too much time with a person invites growing complacent and resentful toward each other. You both need personal time to keep things fresh and worthwhile.
-Darin Eaton II
Dear Stage Five Clinger,
Spending a lot of time with anyone can be constraining; there's nothing wrong with needing some space. And, chances are, your girlfriend wants some time for herself, too.
As always, the best thing to do is to talk. If she feels the same way she will be relieved that you brought it up. However, your girlfriend might not realize she's monopolizing your time. Her feelings might be hurt initially, but if she cares about you she will understand.
After you talk, start doing little things on your own; go to the gym or run errands without her around. Little moments of alone time will give you space without making her feel like you're pushing her away. Remember, she is attached to you, so you can't just disappear. If the first thing you do without her is fly to Vegas for a week with your buddies, she'll probably rage.
After you've done some small things alone, attempt to do more significant things without her, like going snowboarding or whatever it is bros like to do. If she asks to come along, don't hesitate to tell her no. Remind her that there are things she can do while you're gone, like getting a manicure or watching Twilight with her friends.
The ultimate goal is to find a balance between you time and couple time. Make an effort and she will be happy. If she still doesn't respect your space, you have bigger issues. She's a serious suction cup and probably a psycho. Break up with her and you'll have all the alone time you want, unless she starts to stalk you, but that's another issue.