WORST FAKE ITALIAN FOOD

I wasn’t sure whether or not The Old Spaghetti Factory ought to be the worst fake Italian or the best fake Italian, since it satisfies both from different perspectives. But let it suffice to say that it is the fakest fake Italian.

The atmosphere of the joint is reminiscent of a nice restaurant. There’s subtly dim lighting, a kind wait staff, and nice gold-and-wood trimming that gives the place a certain nostalgic feel. However, it isn’t the cleanest place and hasn’t been particularly well maintained.

That being said, a restaurant’s food can always make up for its atmosphere. Unfortunately, The Old Spaghetti Factory’s does not.

I have never been to Italy, but I know that spaghetti is a traditional dish that’s typically not comprised of tasteless strings of chewy dough, reddish tap water that somebody calls sauce, and a chilled lump of hard meat that’s been piled under a heat lamp for a few hours.

I used to think that the “Old” in The Old Spaghetti Factory referred to the “Factory” portion of the title. I think it actually refers to the “Spaghetti” part.

This place is faux-fancy. It has the charm and demeanor of a nice restaurant—you might consider taking a visiting relative or a co-worker here. On the surface it’s just another nameless, nice Italian place. But you’ll quickly find that whatever actual charm or connection to Italy it once had was lost long ago among the swaths of cardboard lasagna dough and sad arcade machines by the unkempt bathrooms.