Lots of things stolen

Tempting fate

Around 8 a.m. on Jan. 25, a backpack containing nearly $800 of property was stolen from the PE men’s locker room. The victim, a member of the Metro track team, put his bag—which had an MP3 player, cell phone, $150 in cash, and Bose headphones—into a locker, without a lock, and attended track practice for an hour. When he returned, the backpack and all the goodies inside were gone. Here at the Advocate, we don’t make a practice of blaming victims of crimes—it’s unfortunate that this student had his belongings stolen. But putting something valuable in a locker (root word: lock) and not, well, locking it, is akin to purchasing a condom and leaving it on the nightstand while having unprotected sex with a Thai prostitute.

The long walk home

Between 5 p.m. and 9 p.m. on Jan. 27, a bike was stolen from the southeast corner of the PE building. The bike, a copper-colored mountain bike, was secured to the bike rack with a Kryptonite cable lock. Here’s the moderately good news: Kryptonite has warranties on most of its products—meaning, they’ll replace the lock if it was defective. The bad news: In order to get a refund or replacement, you need to send in a piece of the broken lock (none was found at the scene). The worst news: Unfortunately, Kryptonite does not warranty cable locks. Seriously, even the company doesn’t want you to rely on those things.

Too fast and pretty furious about it

Between 1 p.m. and 6 p.m. on Jan. 26, a white 1990 Honda Civic was stolen from Lot H (855 Curtis St). This obviously takes the cake in terms of thefts this week as a genuine and perhaps slightly challenging robbery. The victim, a CCD student, parked and locked the vehicle, and returned to see an empty parking spot where the car once had been. According to the victim, the car had been recently painted (only two weeks ago) and equipped with 17-inch wheels. Killer. Police are confident the car will appear parked outside Bubba Chinos (2nd and Federal) this upcoming Sunday from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.

 

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