Ride a bike, stop parking fees

Don’t want to pay $17 for parking on campus, only to get a $40 ticket for having your parking receipt improperly displayed? It may come as a shock to you, but the Auraria Higher Education Center doesn’t care how you feel about it. As a matter of fact, they’d rather you didn’t drive to school at all. They need that parking lot space for classroom-trailers.
So clean up that abandoned 10-speed in your basement and ride it, you lazy slob; it’s good for the environment, and a little exercise couldn’t hurt with your acne problem. Here are a few tips:

• Don’t ride on campus. Sure, there are signs all over the place that say not to, but who pays attention to signs on a bike? Nevertheless, don’t do it—the rule is enforced. Harshly.

• Don’t lock your bike to anything but a bike rack. The police will put their own lock on your bike, and then you have to pay a fine for them to take it off. So just lock it to a bike rack—they’re all over the place.

• Speaking of locking it, lock it with a U-lock. Cable locks are real easy to cut through, and yes, bikes do get stolen.

• Incidentally, they seem to get stolen with somewhat greater frequency on the edges of campus, near the South and North Classrooms. Might not be a bad idea to bear that in mind.

So go forth, and in the words of Freddie Mercury (who, admittedly, was addressing this to “fat-bottom girls” specifically), “Get on your bikes and ride!”

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