Standard issue thefts and arrests

Ma'am we're going to have to confiscate this

At 2 p.m. on Aug. 27, a Metro female reported to campus police that her MacBook Air laptop was stolen from a computer lab in the Central Classroom. The victim said she left it unattended while she was using the vending machine. Bag of Fritos in hand, she discovered that her laptop was missing. With no leads to follow, nor a description of the thief, police bagged up her unopened Fritos as evidence.

What's that smell?

At 11:30 a.m. on Sept. 1, two UC Denver students reported their backpacks, containing their clothes and shower materials, were stolen from the men's locker room in the Event Center. Both students were catching a quick workout between classes and had to carry on with their day in workout attire. Probably for the first time, when their professors asked, "What's that smell?" in the middle of class, it wasn't marijuana.

Argonaut's most loyal customer

At 9:30 p.m. on Sept. 3, a man with no campus affiliation was arrested for drunk driving at the corner of Speer and Larimer. The man didn't appear to be driving aggressively, but it was a dead giveaway when he handed the police officer a receipt from Argonaut instead of his registration. He not only went home with a $30 Keystone Light tab, but a $350 and a 90-day license suspension as well.

Life of crime

At 7:45 p.m. on Sept. 4, a CCD student reported that his bike and combination lock had been stolen from the bike rack outside of the North Classroom. With no leads and no serial number to give to the police, the victim had to choose between investing in a new bike or a pair of cable cutters. To say the least, the victim has a new bike for himself, and all of his friends.