One eskimO

You will like One eskimO’s self-titled album if you like one or more of the following things: early 90’s easy listening, Jason Mraz’s musical stylings at the age of 35, Keanu Reeves running shirtless through a forest in slow motion.

If none of these things strike your fancy, you’re in the majority.

The terribleness begins with the echo effects on the vocals. It then moves to the use of a GarageBand-sounding choir that sings backup to Kristian Leontiou’s Phil-Collins-in-an-empty-music-hall vocals while they are in between productions of Sister Act movies.

And don’t expect it to get any better with the lyrics. On songs like “Hometime,” the band sings “I see you / I see the animals too / Especially those that are out of the zoo.” These lyrics are pretty much the antithesis of any song written that ever meant something to someone. There are lots of meaningless phrases like these, and it doesn’t even matter how good the music is if your lyrics are shit. But, heck, at least they rhyme.

To top it off, there is a song called “Chocolate” that deeply offends me because it is neither sweet nor delicious and it makes me want to murder.

The reason this indie rock band is named One EskimO might just be because all the other Eskimos died from self-inflicted ear wounds. Do yourself a favor and

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