PBR, Carls Jr. parent companies winning bid to buy Twinkies

Late last year the world fell to its knees in agony over the death of a fatty fallen soldier, Hostess. After months of trying to survive the chokehold that is the health conscious consumer, Hostess and all of its cherished brands of Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and more were lost forever.

But a shining beacon of light shone strong this year when C. Dean Metropoulus & Co., Flower Foods, McKee Foods Corp, among many others bid for stakes in the remnants of Hostess. This lead to lucrative deals that have placed Wonder Bread in the hands of the people who make Natures Own, and Twinkies likely to be sold to C. Dean Metropoulus & Co, the private equity firm that owns Pabst Beer Label.

That’s right ladies and gentleman; the glory of cheap frat beer could now come packaged with the sweet spongy, golden goodness of Twinkies. College kids everywhere rejoice. The toxic combination of nuclear-proof sugar nourishment, with the award winning blue ribbon taste, could possibly single handedly deteriorate the life expectancy of an entire generation.

Of course there is also a second option that could happen: Apollo Global Management, the equity firm that owns Carls Jr. is also in the running to win the Twinkies name, recipe, and associated monies. So could your next Big Carl come not only with fries and a shake, but also a Twinkie?

Regardless what happens only one thing is certain: The death of Hostess is a blessing in disguise. A renaissance of fast food awesomeness is about to begin, and I for one, look forward to the deformation of my gut in the process.