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Dear White Guys

Black guys asks the questions: leashes, history, and gnar

Published: Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Updated: Wednesday, March 31, 2010 16:03

dear white guys

Why do white people put their kids on leashes?

Dear Black Guy,
Unlike minorities, who have children because they can't afford birth control, white people plan for the few kids they will have in their lifetimes—and there are a lot of safety hazards in the world. Non-organic vegetables, for example, not to mention the masses of crack-addled minorities just waiting to steal a white child—because everybody knows white kids fetch a better price on the black market.

And kids—even white ones—can't be trusted to look out for their own safety. Much like minorities, black guy, they just don't know any better.

—Jef Otte

Are you mad that you don't have a specific history month?

Dear Black Guy,

Black History Month has never bothered me. I have no problem with celebrating the history of African-America during May or March or whatever.

I actually like Black History Month. I'm going to get in trouble with the White Elders' Council for telling you this, but we make sure Black History Month is full of history white people don't have to flinch at. Black History Month is so white it knows what Harry Potter house it's in.

We gave you people a month we'd like.
—Steve Weishampel

What does "gnar" mean?

Dear Black Guy,

It pains me to go public with this information, but of all the secrets whites have, this one seems harmless. The truth is, "gnar" is actually an acronym. It stands for "getting nardcore after riding."

Nardcore, of course, refers to a specific type of hardcore punk from Oxnard, Calif. Oxnard youths, after shredding some pow-pow up in Tahoe, would return to the town, crack open a few PBRs, and thrash out.

Over time, privileged white youths in general picked up the word without knowing its origins and brought it back to their respective privileged white communities.

So there you go. The etymology of  "gnar" is out in the open. I'm just relieved you didn't ask me how we keep your wages so low and the schools in your neighborhoods so shitty.

—Theo Romeo
 

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11 comments

Anonymous
Fri Apr 16 2010 02:48
I'm not laughing... try again...smh
Anonymous
Wed Apr 7 2010 18:44
Its really frustrating that people honestly don't understand what satire is...especially the English or Communication strudents on the news paper.

Any writer will tell you this nothing more than a mock-u-crapo-drama. Satire is being satirical; e.g. - I am white guy, so I don't really get racism but I do understand its funny...and that is how you combat racism.

Saying that minorities 'cannot afford birth control'; that is not a satirical remark but a racist one.

If you wanted to be satirical, why not actually preface your aritcles, think about funny things to say, and try to understand that 'minorities' have bought birth control in the past.

Lastly, why is this and the other offensive articles still up on the web. I wasn't even pissed about the issue when i first read it, but the way the advocate staff (who I used to highly respect) has handled this is simply sad.

/rant

Anonymous
Mon Apr 5 2010 13:58
Can I propose a class in satire education? They are making fun of people who say these things. They are using exaggeration to make it clear. The characterizations of Mr. Black Guy and Mr. White Guy are intentionally inappropriate. What's it going to take people!?!? If we can't fight racism with humor, then I want off the bus...
Anonymous
Mon Apr 5 2010 12:14
don't feel this week issue of the advocate represented my experince at UCD or Auraria Campus. I am ashamed to be on this campus with such "satire" that I hope no one else thinks my is degree funny. Ignorance is something that I take serious. A joke is something everyone can laugh at. Unfortunately I know people like the... ones being made fun of and to me it is not funny. I thought student came to UCD to get educated, not for their ignorance to be poked at.
PHILLY
Mon Apr 5 2010 10:30
Ladies and gentlemen in protest...the real world is a hard place to swallow, all close minded children, sheltered by you're mountains need to open you're eyes, you don't like it, you don't have to read it, the paper is doing it's job, and more importantly creating debate, which makes this country so great...don't frown upon it and crucify those who practice the very rights that protect you in your sleep...do you think Howard Stern would be the greatest host if he kept his mouth shut...take a pill people...yank that stick out from under your bum, any real city would eat you alive in 2 seconds with that close minded bull s*@$t.
Tim
Sun Apr 4 2010 12:08
If you think that this sort of satirical racism is acceptable, and that people should recognize it as such, think again. These comments dont exist in a vacuum; indeed the country is getting more polarized by the day. I am a 57 year old student on this campus, I have lived through periods of spasmodic upheaval and have seen its results.
Please dont pretend this kind of "comedic writing" isnt going to be offensive or worse, something that gives permission to people who wish to display their racism more overtly.
Anonymous
Fri Apr 2 2010 17:56
Are people really offended by this? the picture above is the writers as the three stooges. Did anyone take them seriously, or was the joke that the three stooges were so stupid that they did and say retarded things? Dear god, what an embarrassing situation. I'm so sad that UCD students are so simple minded that they don't understand satire when they see it. This is a better indictment of racism than any of the people bitching in the comment section could ever make.
Anonymous
Fri Apr 2 2010 12:14
Jesus Michelle, don't you have anything better to do?
If you miss the Advocate so much (commenting on every damn article), you shouldn't have left.
man oh man
Fri Apr 2 2010 05:21
So when people make fun of racist people they're actually being racist themselves? Oh ok. I never knew that before. I could have sworn cu denver had an argumentation and logic course. Apparently no one has taken it.
Michelle Mullenax
Thu Apr 1 2010 21:43
During the planning meeting for this issue, did someone ask what would be the most efficient way of being as racist and offensive as humanly possible?
Anonymous
Thu Apr 1 2010 21:13
Yeah, really hilarious. Way to go and offend all of your minority readers.




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