 "Photo: N/A")
What do you think about white guys with cornrows?
—Ekram, Undeclared Liberal Arts
Dear Ekram, white men should never have cornrows.
White folks’ hair is naturally straight, and in the rare case it’s not, it’s easily manageable. Also, like a gateway drug, cornrows can lead to white guys wearing Rasta clothes and developing a Jamaican accent—which no one, black or white, wants to see.
The reason I put my hair in cornrows can be summed up in one word: knaps.
I’m not talking about the occasional tangle hairs you may come across in the morning. I’m talking about knaps that break combs made of elephant tusks and brushes made of redwood.
Additionally, because Caucasian hair is usually so thin, the cornrows unravel, and matt up in a matter of days. So please, white guy, let us keep cornrows, and we’ll let you keep the bowl cut.
What’s the secret to jumping so high?
—Alex, Spanish
Dear Alex, our ability to jump high is rooted in our social environment. It’s not genetic; there’s no research that proves the tendons in my feet are longer than Larry Byrd’s, or that I have an extra bone in my leg.
Personally, I grew up playing touch football in the street and playing pick-up basketball on the weekends. The excessive jumping that comes with both of these sports has contributed significantly to my vertical jump. There is no real secret; it’s straight-up athleticism.
However, if a black man dunks on you—expect the smack talk to ensue.
If you had to choose one, would you pick watermelon or fried chicken?
—Jessica, Undeclared Arts and Media
Dear Jessica, great question.
I would definitely choose fried chicken. While watermelon is delicious, and always found at your black friend’s potluck, it’s all the same. There’s no way to stylize how you prepare watermelon.
As much as I love watermelon, it doesn’t come close to homemade fried chicken.
Every black family has their own style of making fried chicken, different seasonings, breading techniques, and how much oil they fry it in. Even the crispness and coloration of the skin will vary.
There’s no soul in watermelon. It’s sliced up. But a grade-A batch of fried chicken takes at least an hour to make; you have to show it some love.
Bryan Smith is a real-life black guy and Advocate staffer. Send him your questions at DearBlackGuy@ucdadvocate.com.
Be the first to comment on this article!